Should you tell your friend that her partner is cheating?

415

After a telephonic conversation in which a colleague at work confessed that he saw his sister’s boyfriend cheating on her, we couldn’t help but weigh in. I mean, the last thing you want to do is find out that the person your best friend can’t stop gushing about is actually a cheater.

Even worse is that you’re now left in a position where you have knowledge of this. Perhaps you even have the evidence to back it up.

But, what do you do?

Do you risk your relationship with your friend or sibling and tell them what you saw? Or do you hope that they find out all on their own?

Withholding information (even if it is something that will undoubtedly hurt me) is something that I consider to be a betrayal of my trust. The “you’ve got my back and I’ve got yours” is a motto that I certainly try to live by and one I believe is the basis of an equal friendship.

Telling a friend that their partner is cheating is difficult yes. I’m definitely not denying that.

And while I get that some people who choose not tell their friends because they believe a) it’s not their business to get involved in someone else’s affairs, or b) they’re protecting their friends from being hurt, the fact is that there will be consequences when they find out.

I’ve always thought that it would be way more humiliating to be the last person to know about being cheated on.

Read also: I am extremely worried – She knows almost everything about me

My friend argues that it’s not that simple.

She confesses that she’s scared that she might resent her friend for telling her and potentially ruining her happiness. But on the other hand, she agrees that is would be a betrayal of the worst kind if she found out that this information was withheld from her.

Frankly, the only person ruining any happiness here is the cheater.

I suppose it also becomes a lot trickier when you take into consideration the type of relationship you have with the people involved. Are you closer to the person who was cheated on or the cheater? And what if your friend was the one doing the cheating?

Idealistically speaking, I’d love to say that even though I’m a loyal friend, I’m a stickler for doing the right thing.  In both cases I know I certainly envision myself telling both parties to come clean before someone else airs their dirty laundry.  But I know it doesn’t always work that way.

Telling a friend that their partner is cheating is difficult yes. I’m definitely not denying that.

And while I get that some people who choose not tell their friends because they believe a) it’s not their business to get involved in someone else’s affairs, or b) they’re protecting their friends from being hurt, the fact is that there will be consequences when they find out.

I’ve always thought that it would be way more humiliating to be the last person to know about being cheated on.

My friend argues that it’s not that simple.

She confesses that she’s scared that she might resent her friend for telling her and potentially ruining her happiness. But on the other hand, she agrees that is would be a betrayal of the worst kind if she found out that this information was withheld from her.

Frankly, the only person ruining any happiness here is the cheater.

I suppose it also becomes a lot trickier when you take into consideration the type of relationship you have with the people involved. Are you closer to the person who was cheated on or the cheater? And what if your friend was the one doing the cheating?

Idealistically speaking, I’d love to say that even though I’m a loyal friend, I’m a stickler for doing the right thing.  In both cases I know I certainly envision myself telling both parties to come clean before someone else airs their dirty laundry.  But I know it doesn’t always work that way.

ShakaraSquare TV

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  19. Mountain Bike Mike^I have been looking for a good old heavy cotton t-shirt&#44 Eureka&#44 I have found one. I ordered only one so I could experience the weight and quality first hand. I was not disappointed&#44 the quality is good and the fabric is heavy.The label states “assembled in El Salvador of a U.S.A. fabric”. As I stated&#44 the quality is good and the American textile (cotton) is definitely better and heavier than any you will find in the average box store.The size runs a little large. I ordered a large and it looks like an extra large but that is ok. The shirt is 100 per cent cotton and will shrink. After one washing my large fits better&#44 one or two more washes and it will be exactly as I wish. Bottom line; it is heavy&#44 it runs large&#44 it will shrink&#44 I love it and I ordered more.~5|Abram P. Huffman^This is the perfect T-shirt for those that want a nice thick material in a T-shirt. The shirt is not too short and not too long either. The sleeve length is perfect as well. After being washed it shrunk to just the right size. I think Soffe really took the time to measure the sizes of t-shirt a person actually wants when they order a specific size. The price is a little higher than a lot of standard shirts that someone might want for an undershirt. I don’t think this T-shirt is meant to be worn as an undershirt but as a primary shirt to wear with just about anything casual. I have bought these shirts before and it will last for a long time and will quickly become your favorite tshirt to wear. Thanks for making such a great T-shirt. Will definitely buy again.~5|Rob K.^The shirt is indeed 100% cotton&#44 heavier material and a great as-expected fit. I was looking for this shirt after the last few years of t-shirts lasting me only about a year. This one should last a long time.This t-shirt is a throwback to about 8-10 years ago before the clothing industry started using cheap&#44 super-thin&#44 semi-transparent fabrics and women’s sizes re-labelled for men and charging more. I really despise how the clothing industry has degenerated over the last few years!~5|Richard Brown^I ordered one of these shirts at the same time that I ordered some Dickies brand heavy weight t-shirts. They arrived together in the same box. This one is much better quality. Comparing them side-by-side and putting them on one after another is a great way to see the quality. I returned the Dickies shirts and will be ordering more of these.~5|WhickedWhich^I read the reviews prior to ordering this shirt&#44 so was prepared for a snug-ish collar and a long-ish fit&#44 both of which were accurate. This still appears to be the best heavy-ish (I’m saying “ish” a bit&#44 am I not?) weight cotton tee available right now. It won’t make me stop pining for the heavier Russells and Champions from a few years back&#44 but it’s clearly time to move on. For working out and home projects&#44 it’s exactly what I need.~4|Shinigami^These shirts are better quality than your run of the mill store brands&#44 but they’re too long.Obviously&#44 they’re designed to be tucked in&#44 but who tucks in t shirts these days? I like the materials&#44 but I wear other shirts because I don’t have an ultra long torso and don’t wish to make it look like I’m wearing a dress.~4|Greg Powers^This shirt fits perfectly. It is soft and comfortable and it feels very high quality. It is definitely Heavy Cotton&#44 not thin cotton like a lot of cheaper T-shirts. I would highly recommend this. I just wish these were available in a larger number of colors like brown&#44 dark green&#44 etc.~5|William D^Cheese Quesadillas~5|M. Nagy^After spending over $30 (after shipping) for a shirt from heavytshirt.com&#44 and being unsatisfied with the feel and fit of their product (even ordering their “Pro Fit” shirt)&#44 I decided to try this shirt. It costs a lot less (especially as an amazon prime member) and is perhaps only a bit thinner than the shirt I ordered from Heavyweight Collections (heavytshirt.com&#44 the self-professed masters). It is a thick&#44 nice shirt&#44 that is actually a bit softer than the very coarse feel of the Heavyweight Collections shirt. Now I’m stuck with a $30 t-shirt I can’t return because I washed it in an attempt to shrink it (the “fit” was huge and poorly sized). I should have just gone with the Soffe shirt in the first place and saved money.~5|Granit^Great heavyweight&#44 well made cotton shirts that fit as expected. 6′ 2″&#44 205# = XL.~5|

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