Should you tell your friend that her partner is cheating?

7

After a telephonic conversation in which a colleague at work confessed that he saw his sister’s boyfriend cheating on her, we couldn’t help but weigh in. I mean, the last thing you want to do is find out that the person your best friend can’t stop gushing about is actually a cheater.

Even worse is that you’re now left in a position where you have knowledge of this. Perhaps you even have the evidence to back it up.

But, what do you do?

Do you risk your relationship with your friend or sibling and tell them what you saw? Or do you hope that they find out all on their own?

Withholding information (even if it is something that will undoubtedly hurt me) is something that I consider to be a betrayal of my trust. The “you’ve got my back and I’ve got yours” is a motto that I certainly try to live by and one I believe is the basis of an equal friendship.

Telling a friend that their partner is cheating is difficult yes. I’m definitely not denying that.

And while I get that some people who choose not tell their friends because they believe a) it’s not their business to get involved in someone else’s affairs, or b) they’re protecting their friends from being hurt, the fact is that there will be consequences when they find out.

I’ve always thought that it would be way more humiliating to be the last person to know about being cheated on.

Read also: I am extremely worried – She knows almost everything about me

My friend argues that it’s not that simple.

She confesses that she’s scared that she might resent her friend for telling her and potentially ruining her happiness. But on the other hand, she agrees that is would be a betrayal of the worst kind if she found out that this information was withheld from her.

Frankly, the only person ruining any happiness here is the cheater.

I suppose it also becomes a lot trickier when you take into consideration the type of relationship you have with the people involved. Are you closer to the person who was cheated on or the cheater? And what if your friend was the one doing the cheating?

Idealistically speaking, I’d love to say that even though I’m a loyal friend, I’m a stickler for doing the right thing.  In both cases I know I certainly envision myself telling both parties to come clean before someone else airs their dirty laundry.  But I know it doesn’t always work that way.

Telling a friend that their partner is cheating is difficult yes. I’m definitely not denying that.

And while I get that some people who choose not tell their friends because they believe a) it’s not their business to get involved in someone else’s affairs, or b) they’re protecting their friends from being hurt, the fact is that there will be consequences when they find out.

I’ve always thought that it would be way more humiliating to be the last person to know about being cheated on.

My friend argues that it’s not that simple.

She confesses that she’s scared that she might resent her friend for telling her and potentially ruining her happiness. But on the other hand, she agrees that is would be a betrayal of the worst kind if she found out that this information was withheld from her.

Frankly, the only person ruining any happiness here is the cheater.

I suppose it also becomes a lot trickier when you take into consideration the type of relationship you have with the people involved. Are you closer to the person who was cheated on or the cheater? And what if your friend was the one doing the cheating?

Idealistically speaking, I’d love to say that even though I’m a loyal friend, I’m a stickler for doing the right thing.  In both cases I know I certainly envision myself telling both parties to come clean before someone else airs their dirty laundry.  But I know it doesn’t always work that way.

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