Before his visit to Nigeria


‘’Let me firstly thank you for what you do. Your views have encouraged me to reach out on an issue that has been eating me up.
I met a guy in the summer of 2017 at a Nigerian party here in the U.S.
It was a weekend that I was visiting a school mate and her family and I accompanied her to the party.
As we began to interact, I learned about his disaffection with his job.
So, I encouraged him to move down to New York (where I reside) and try for better options here.
We also agreed that he can move in with me…pending the time he finds his own accommodation.
So, in 2018(January), we began to live together. When he changed jobs.
We also began to talk marriage in earnest. 
This Easter, he traveled to Nigeria and also went to see my folks in preparation for our marriage.
I would also say that our hope of a future together began to wane from that visit to Nigeria.
Because he came back a somewhat changed man.
Sometimes, I would come back from work to meet him staring into space.
Almost like he was half with me and half elsewhere.
Before his visit to Nigeria,
Some incidents took place.
The first was when the elder sister visited the US (in the summer of 2018) and had to stay with us.
We related cordially, though.
Until the day I came back from the (hair) salon…because we had a dinner outing the next day.
This lady began to disturb me that she also wanted to make her hair.
I told her that since her vacation was almost coming to an end, that it’s better she did all that in Nigeria to save cost.
She retorted that she can’t be coming back from a vacation in the US looking disheveled.
I work for myself (in estate realty) here, so I made out time to take her to the salon I patronize.
As soon as she learned about the cost, she began to make snide comments.
I made sure I excused myself from the setting. 
Friends, I warned her. And paying for her salon visit wasn’t in my budget.
Our relationship was hugely strained all through that day…even though she attended the dinner outing with us the next day.
Before she left, she hinted that she was contemplating sending her child to the US for studies and that it won’t be a bad idea if he stayed with us.
…as (according to her), we need the presence of a child in the house.
I didn’t respond but I told the brother to warn her not to repeat such talks in my presence again.
After she left, I noticed that my husband’s ‘absentee’ mood grew more.
Especially anytime he spoke to his mum.
It worried me but I only found the courage to ask him what the issue was…on one occasion.
And that’s when he told me that his mum has been insisting he got married to the daughter of an Army general that the family chose for him.
And that when he told his mum that he has found happiness, her response to him was ‘’so, after all that I went through to send you to the US, you want to pay me back by not giving me a grandchild’’.
I asked him what she meant by ‘’not giving her a grandchild’’ and he told me that someone went to tell his family that he was getting married to an old woman.
Honestly, this took me by surprise and I went into my bedroom to cry my eyes out.
Until now, I thought we were fine.

When he came back from Nigeria, the same mood intensified. As well as calls from his mum.
I just woke up a few days back and began to feel that I have had enough.
It’s obvious that whatever they are saying to him is affecting our relationship.
And I don’t know if the best way to handle the matter and find my peace is suggesting we give each other some space and distance first?
I am also visiting Nigeria by Christmas, is it necessary to meet his mum and actually know what’s going on?
My girlfriend said there may be more to his claim.
Please, your sincere views are needed. This is really disturbing me.
All parties are from the South East. I am in my early 40s. He is two years younger but was also married to a white woman. Thank you.’

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