Common emotions after a break up – Breakup stages


Going through a breakup can be very difficult, emotional and stressful. Often we are filled with all these confusing feelings and wonder if what we are feeling is even normal. We tend to do crazy things that are out of the norm for us. For a while, we might even lose ourselves to emotion.

These emotions that we feel are normal and there is quite a process in letting go of a person we really loved.

Each person is different, we will go through different stages at different times so do not worry if you feel like it is taking a little longer than expected to get over a loss. Sometimes we even go backward and repeat stages that we have already gone through.

There are a number of stages we go through after losing somebody we love. There is shock, fear, denial, anger and what I call the “crazy stage”. After that, finally some peace.

Shock and denial

Shock and denial go hand in hand. At first, you will feel like you are dreaming. Even if you knew that the relationship was in trouble, you never actually thought that a breakup was possible. The person loved you too much to leave you. Despite all the bad times, there were many good times. You shared so many wonderful memories this cannot be real. They will soon realize that they are wrong and will come running back. This cannot be happening to us, we were once the “perfect couple”. You tend to forget all the bad things. The bad things weren’t that bad. We will fix things and everything will be OK. The phone will be locked to your hand and you will be staring at it, waiting for the caller ID to say their name. They will call soon; they must be busy. At this point, you still will not be able to refer to them as your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. No, we are not really broken up. We just need a little time, you might tell others.

Fear and loneliness:

Now the phone has not rung and it has been quite a while. You are getting over the shock and start to realize that they might not call. You start to think to yourself that maybe this is real. That’s when fear starts to kick in. We fear that we will be lonely forever. We fear that we will have nobody to talk to. We fear that we will not be able to make it in this big scary world without them. We fear that when we are sick there will be nobody there to comfort us. We will jump into bed and hide under the covers feeling lonely, sad, depressed and feeling sorry for ourselves. Talking to friends and family is not an option. You want nothing to do with what is going on around you. You will sit and cry and listen to “your song” a million times to the point where there are no more tears left. You will look at pictures over and over again. For some reason, we will torture ourselves. I will never be able to find a person that will love me the way that they did. What if I am not good enough, they left me. Why would somebody else want to love me?


So now that you have been crying for a while and have not moved from your spot in the bed for weeks, you start to think about all the things that you did for this person. “I do not understand why they left me. I was such a good boyfriend/girlfriend. Nobody else will ever do what I did for him/her. Good luck trying to find somebody who will do the things I did for you. At this point, you need to blame somebody. You are tired of blaming yourself and it suddenly becomes their fault. You are sick of hearing that song and turn the radio off every time you hear it. You want to rip their picture into one million little pieces and burn it. How dare they leave me! They had no right. Nobody will be able to replace me. I can’t believe you did this to me. After all, I did for you!”

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