I need your advice. I am a 35 years old woman, married for 8 years with 2 beautiful children. My husband and I used to be very close and in love but things are no longer the same. I need your advise and that of the group.
I have always been an adventurous person and I always planned that my marriage would be fun and loving all the time. I dated very fun guys but none of them were ready for marriage at the time. I am a very sensual woman. I do not like anything boring, in fact, my friends used to call me a Lucozade boost because I am a very energetic person.
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When I met my husband, he was fun but also a very serious-minded businessman. I loved the fun side a lot. I thought he and I would match well cos he could compliment my personality. But I was wrong.
Getting into the marriage, my husband was no fun at all. It turns out, he was doing all he did just to get me to marry him. His business always came first in his life. I realized he never likes anything he never relaxes, he never has time to play with me or the children, he hardly socializes except its for a business deal. Even our s*x life is not fun.
Before I got married, I loved to experience new things with my love life. I missed having fun when lovemaking. It was like I was married to someone I did not know and he did not know me either. I am someone who promised never to cheat in my marriage or get a divorce because my parents were divorced and I know how much it affected my siblings and me.
But living in a marriage that had no fun, no romance, no excitement is not what I planned either. I tried to talk to him but he always paid me no attention. He used to tell me I was living in a fantasy world. That I should realize we are in the real world. I cry many times because I feel lonely in my marriage.
My children are the only ones keeping me happy but my children are not my lover. I need someone to hold me, to love me, to kiss me, someone to be playful with me, someone who can laugh and joke with me, go out once in a while, watch tv shows with me, etc. My husband does not do that with me.
That made me speak to his mentor, because no one else seemed to understand my plight, They all advised me to take him as he is, that is his nature. Nature or not, I feel he does not love me if he does not do the things that make me happy. It was when I spoke to his mentor that he told me the reason for my husband’s behavior.
The man, his mentor is someone he looks up to in his business. He told me that my husband lost his girlfriend because he did not have money. That the girl’s family did not allow him to marry her because he had nothing years ago. They loved each other so much but the family forbade their marriage.
The girl got married to someone else who was rich but abusive. That the abusive man beat her even in her pregnancy, she lost her life while giving birth to a premature child. They were very young at the time but my husband has never forgiven himself for not having money at the time to marry the love of his life.
That is why he only has time and love for his business so he can prove that he can make it in life. Ma, this revelation broke me. I never knew my husband had this kind of experience. His mentor advised me to be gentle with my husband. That he is still hurt by his past.
I know he is hurt but he needs to move on. From what I was told, the past was almost 13 years ago….why can’t he move on. So my husband is still in love with a dead woman? I prayed about this and tried to talk to my husband. He got so annoyed that I went to dig into his past and that even made him withdraw more from me.
Its well over 3 months and we have not made love. I have begged him so many times but he just ignores me. He made love to me 2 days ago and it was just like he was forcing himself. Like he was disgusted with me. I cried and cried. I later asked him if he regrets marrying me. He said no but that there can not be any woman he loves more than his late ex.
My husband is a broken man. Fixated on a dead ex-girlfriend. And that is why we cannot move forward. I suggested therapy to him but he refused it. I am trapped in this marriage. What should I do? This is a cry for help because I do not know how much longer I can take this.
I am a beautiful woman and I know how to get any man I want to sleep with me. My husband’s rejection is driving me to think I should look out to find my own happiness. I have reached my limit of patience.
Please advise me.
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